After the oceans drank Atlantis…

by wfgodbold

Was the Hyborian Age, the world Robert E. Howard created for Conan the Barbarian.

The 2011 reboot of the film franchise is decent enough; it’s darker than the original Conan movies, and far bloodier. Limbs (and other body parts) are hacked off, people are slashed all over, some are bludgeoned horribly, and the blood flows like rain.

The story isn’t anything special; Conan gets orphaned and goes on a quest for revenge. For some reason there’s a ~20 year jump between when he starts looking for revenge and when we see him next; in that time, he’s grown stronger, taller, and has acquired a few scars (you’d think that a guy who usually fights unarmored would have far more scars than he does, especially after twenty years of battle).

Conveniently, the bad guys have also not been very productive over the intervening two decades, and Conan’s quest for revenge turns into a race to save the world from certain doom.

The action scenes are well done (though I wish there had been more of them), the actors do a generally decent job (Rose McGowan is flat out scary looking, and more than a little creepy), and several of the wenches are topless (You want to complain to someone, complain to the guys who put “topless wenches” in the credits, not me.). The sex scene wasn’t really necessary, but I suppose we can chalk that up to emulating the 1982 film (which had at least one sex scene).

I don’t know that it’s worth an evening admission, but it’s good enough for a matinee.

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