Thanks, Esquire, for proving that satire *isn’t* dead quite yet

I wasn’t sure if it was satire or not until I read the whole thing, but passages like this:

Christopher Booker’s 2004 book The Seven Basic Plots, a wide-ranging study from the Epic of Gilgamesh on and a surprisingly convincing explanation for why we crave narrative, reduced all stories to a few plots, each with its own kind of hero. Amazingly, Barack Obama fulfills the role of hero in each of these ancient story forms.

Are too absurd to be taken at face value.

Well played, Stephen Marche. You almost had me fooled!

Repeal the First Amendment!

A Draft Amendment Resolution, and Subsequent Legislation:

Phase 1: The Amendment Resolution

JOINT RESOLUTION

Proposing an amendment to the Constitution of the United States repealing the right to freedom of speech, assembly, the press, and to petition for redress of grievances.

Resolved by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled (two-thirds of each House concurring therein), That the following article is proposed as an amendment to the Constitution of the United States, which shall be valid for all intents and purposes as part of the Constitution when ratified by the legislatures of three-fourths of the several States at any time after the date of its submission for ratification:

‘Article–

1. Any right to freedom of religion, the press, assembly, speech, or to petition for redress of grievances, whether under the First Amendment to this Constitution, or under some pre-existing doctrine of natural law or common law or otherwise, or under Constitution or laws of any State, is repealed.

2. The privileges to worship, assemble, speak, and petition for redress of greivances throughout the United States shall be under such Regulations as the Congress shall make.’

Phase 2: Legislation

Public worship, assembly in groups of more than an immediate family for worship, and proselytizing shall be unlawful, except with express written permission from the Department for Religious Equality.

Any religious tract or text is subject to a tax equal to 20% of its wholesale price, paid by the manufacturer; sale of such tract or text without the qualifying stamp shall be unlawful. The Department for Religious Equality shall process such tax stamps in a timely manner upon receipt of the necessary forms.

All journalists, reporters, columnists, authors, writers, bloggers, tweeters, and users of other such social media, internet communications, and mass communications technology shall be licensed with the Department of Speech; failure to register within 365 days of this act’s passage shall be unlawful.

Gatherings of groups larger than one’s immediate family, except for activities expressly approved by the various Departments, including the Department of Grievances, shall be unlawful; the Department of Grievances shall allow protests of policies, laws, and persons after appropriate screening and consideration.

Inspired by Mike Barkley, Candidate for Congress (H/T Linoge, Sebastian, Weerd, and Joe).